End of Innocence, Start of Turmoil
by Leah Bea
Summary: Something has changed in the Kamiya dojo. This change may just effect the life of the dojo's occupants as we know it. (Geeze I'm bad at summaries! ANGST WARNING! I swear, this is a whole lot better than this summary!)
1. Broken Pieces of Hearts and Vows

Title: End of Innocence, Beginnings of Turmoil  
Chapter I "Broken Pieces of Hearts and Vows"  
Author: Ethne (ImaginaryGirl6@aol.com)  
Date Started On: 4/29/02 (Yeah, I know, I started this a long time ago, but I had dificulties getting past certain parts)  
Rating: R (For violence, death, and adult topics, if this bothers you, you don't have to read it. -.-)  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________  
"There is no longer a way out of our present situation except by forging a road toward our  
objective, violently and by force, over a sea of blood and under a horizon blazing with fire."  
-Gamal Abdel Nasser  
_________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
The man with long black hair stood before the violet-eyed rurouni in the clearing of the forest. The man's name  
was Aku. He, as many before him, had wanted to fight the legendary Hitokiri Battousai. He had taken Kamiya Kaoru,  
and done something to her, only Aku knew what exactly that was. The rurouni's name was Himura Kenshin, the fiery  
red head with a cross scar on his cheek was once the feared Battousai, now he stood preparing to fight for Kaoru  
once more, with his sakabatou in hand. Aku prepared himself to attack, unsheathing his sword with a cold smile and  
an equally icy chuckle.   
"Battousai, I wonder about that woman.... She was very pretty, and she seemed so smart... But, she kept crying out  
your name... Only, she didn't call you Battousai. I wonder if she even knew." Aku whispered just loud enough for  
Kenshin to hear. Kenshin's eyes narrowed into slits as he noted the past tense in the man's voice, he held his  
sakabatou straight ahead of him, he too was preparing to attack. The violet eyes of the normally peaceful man burned  
with the dark fire of hatred, his grip on the hilt tightening as he gritted his teeth.   
"You know you can't kill me with that blade, don't you?" Aku asked, his wicked smile growing larger. The dark  
clouds above flashed with lightening and roared with the angry thunder to follow, for a moment the clearing was  
illuminated.   
"What did you do to her, Aku?" Kenshin whispered in a deadly voice his eyes flashing amber.   
"Nothing you wouldn't have done to her. She would have ended up just as that other woman had, since a killer  
must always kill." Aku said with a cold glint in his eyes as he leapt toward the rurouni, his blade aimed straight  
ahead, straight as Kenshin's throat, Kenshin dodged at the last possible instant, not escaping the blade entirely and  
ending up with a long gash along the right side of his neck.   
Without saying a word farther, Kenshin leapt up high into the sky, he prepared to bring the blade down on  
Aku's head which held his twisted mind. Kenshin followed through with his Hiten Mitsurgi Ryu, Ryu Tsui Sen, but  
at the last moment, he flipped the blade. The large man's head was hit with the blow in which his skull would have  
been damaged if he had been with the proper side of the sakabatou, but instead the blade cut through him easily. He  
fell forward, eyes vacant with death.   
  
centeriA hitokiri is a hitokiri until death..../i/center  
  
Kenshin stood, frozen, as he recalled the words of a previous foe, Jin'e. Each word echoed in his mind until it all  
mixed together in a large, clouded mask, covering his thoughts.   
  
"Kenshi-" Kaoru, the raven haired sensei of the art of Kamiya Kassihn Ryuu ran toward the clearing when she  
saw her kind savior, her voice caught in her throat painfully as she spotted the body of Aku. Aku's blood seeped into  
the green earth from both his body, and also from Kenshin's sword as the liquid slowly fell from the metal. Kenshin's  
face was a mask of no emotion, he hadn't heard Kaoru. Her eyes were wide with shock and horror as she looked at  
the disturbing scene. The peaceful rurouni that she knew had sworn never to kill again, stood with a bloodied sword  
in his hand and a body at his feet. Lightening flashed once more, followed by a mournful cry of thunder again as the  
lightening only made the scene clearer to Kaoru, making it become embedded in her eternal memory. Rain poured  
down all around them now, it soaked everyone and everything within seconds, but no one present cared.   
  
Kenshin's grip on his sword loosened and he dropped the tool of death, and his knees gave way beneath him so  
he fell to the ground, covering his face with his hands as the hot tears of regret rushed down his face. The Hitokiri  
Battousai had killed again. Kenshin's body was wracked with vicious sobs for Aku's death, his own soul, and for  
Kaoru... Kaoru... the only one who Kenshin prayed for that really mattered to him. It was because of him that she was  
probably gone forever. Kenshin's hands fell from his face as he raised his eyes to the lightening and rain, an  
anguished cry erupted from the broken man's throat as the cold rain washed away the blood from his skin.   
  
For the first time since she had broken free of the ropes, Kaoru took notice the many wounds that the ropes  
and that man had made, along with her bare, bleeding feet from running in the thick forest, a slash in her arm from  
where he had taken a dagger to her, and so many bruises all over body. Her lovely kimono was ruined, but none of it  
mattered to her as it had when the wounds were acquired. Her own tears stung her scraped cheeks as they ran down  
her face, she heard Kenshin's cry, and wanted to run to him, to comfort him. But she couldn't. He had killed, and  
now she was afraid of that part of him. He hadn't been able to control it, and who knew when he could loose control  
of the Battousai again. Kaoru turned, and ran. She ran from her protector, the one who had saved her many times, the  
one she loved, and the one she now feared when she ran from Kenshin.   
  
Kenshin hugged himself as he mourned her death and shivered from the cold as the wind blew viciously.  
Finally after about an hour, Kenshin stood, he couldn't be in this clearing of blood any longer. He had to get away.  
iI'll return to the dojo tonight and collect my belongings, then I will write a note to Yahiko and Sanosuke and  
leave./i Kenshin told himself mentally. He began to run in the direction of the Kamiya dojo, his heart in chaos  
with the many emotions that coursed through him.   
He closed his eyes tightly as he ran, not caring if he ran into the trees, or the small river not far from the clearing.  
It hardly even mattered now. Kenshin's foot made contact with something warm and soft as he tripped over it, his  
eyes opening wide when he heard a groan. Lightening illuminated everything again, and Kenshin saw what it was he  
had tripped over. "K-Kaoru-dono!" He yelped in surprise as he knelt down beside her, checking for her pulse and  
finding one. Relief flooded through Kenshin until he noticed the many cuts and bruises that were upon her body. She  
was shivering badly and so he picked her up and held her close to him as he began to run faster than before towards  
the dojo.   
"Kensh....in.....why....?" The half-conscious girl in his arms mumbled as she closed her eyes, loosing all awareness  
of the world around her. That question was like a dagger into Kenshin's heart the way she had spoken it. It held such  
fear and such sadness.   
  
  
"Yahiko! Sanosuke! Someone!" Kenshin cried out when he reached the Kamiya's entrance gates. The rain was  
pouring down harder now, and it was very difficult to see. Kenshin called out the same three words again and again  
until finally someone heard him over the rain and came running. Sanosuke ran out into the rain and took Kaoru from  
Kenshin; who was feeling tired and weak. Kenshin stumbled as he tried to follow Sanosuke inside, causing Sanosuke  
to pause and see if Kenshin wanted help. "Take care of Kaoru-dono first, I'll be fine..." Kenshins would whisper  
softly every time. Sanosuke finally listened and went ahead of Kenshin to Kaoru's room, he rolled out her futon and  
laid her on it.  
"Please, Sanosuke, go get Megumi-dono." Kenshin said in a hushed voice as he stumbled into the room.  
Sanosuke nodded and left quickly, breaking into a run as soon as he was out of the room. Kenshin fell to his knees  
next to the futon, his energy was spent. "Sessha is sorry, Kaoru-dono. Sessha didn't mean to. Please forgive sessha,  
although sessha is not worth your forgiveness..." Kenshin spoke as he stared down at Kaoru, his eyes painfully filled  
with tears. "Please don't make sessha leave, sessha wants to stay.... please, Kaoru-dono.... please....." The tears  
spilled out of the violet eyes as they closed and he fell forward, his head resting on the edge of Kaoru's futon.   
  
  
  
Megumi ran into the room followed by Sanosuke when no reply was heard by either Kenshin or Kaoru. They  
hadn't expected a sound from the tired Yahiko; who had gone to bed early after training so hard that afternoon in  
preparation for rescuing his sensei. Megumi looked at Kaoru, to Kenshin, to Sanosuke. "What happened?" She asked  
finally, observing the long streaks of tears that still continued to fall from Kenshin's eyes as he slept. "Sessha... is  
sorry...." He mumbled unhappily as his expression tightened into that of pain. "I don't know..." Sanosuke sighed as  
he, too, watched Kenshin. Something horrible must have happened, but what? Megumi looked back at Kaoru and  
nodded, "We should treat Ken-san first, then Kaoru." She said, a grim expression on her face. Sanosuke nodded and  
grabbed Kenshin's wrists, he then started to drag him to the corner of the room where he had laid down some  
blankets in a make-shift bed. Kenshin's eyes slowly opened and in one movement he worked himself free of  
Sanosuke's grasp. Sanosuke was obviously surprised as he turned around and faced Kenshin who was sitting with his  
legs crossed on the wooden floor, his face cast down.   
"Kenshin, what happened?" Sanosuke asked at last as he took in the sight of the broken Rurouni. "It is not  
important, that it's not." He replied, still looking down at the floor. His eyes were hidden beneath his wild red hair,  
"Kaoru-dono is what is important." The man on the floor continued in a soft voice, hardly loud enough to be called a  
whisper.  
"Ken-san, you're hurt. We have to treat you first since your wound is move serious than half of Kaoru's."  
Megumi spoke in a soothing, yet still insisting tone.   
"Iie. Megumi-dono, treat Kaoru-dono first." A sharp note in Kenshin's otherwise soft voice startled both  
Megumi and Sanosuke. Megumi gave Kenshin a worried look and finally said after several minutes of silence,  
"Fine." Her tone was icy and she didn't bother to mask her hate for the idea of not treating the person who needed it  
most right now. Megumi turned away from him and told Sanosuke to help her treat, and dress, the wounds of the  
teacher of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. Kenshin got up and left the room silently, no one noticed him leave until the  
soft tap of the wooden shouji hitting the wooden frame softly was heard. Megumi look up and mumbled something  
that resembled a prayer for mercy from God under her breath.  
  
Kenshin walked slowly out of the dojo, his mind clouded with his dark thoughts and his face set in a grim  
expression. A man was dead, and a sword had been covered in the dead man's crimson blood. This in its self was  
horrible news to Kenshin, what made it all unbearable was the fact that the man who held the sword had been  
himself. As he slid open the shouji that lead to the courtyard, the cold, bitter wind rushed at Kenshin. He closed it  
once more as he stepped out. As he descended the stairs, he sighed deeply. His clothing was already drenched, so he  
saw no reason to be concerned at all as he hopped up onto the roof silently. With quiet steps Kenshin walked on the  
middle of the roof until he stood by the chimney of the kitchen, this spot, he knew, could not be seen from the  
ground. Not wanting to be disturbed by anyone, he sat in that spot, his back leaning against the chimey. He removed  
his sakabatou's sheath from his clothing and stared at it for a long moment. It's metal was cool to the touch, and just  
as wet as he was.   
It was strange to think that the blade that it had once held was to prevent the Battousai from killing again, and yet  
it hadn't done that this night. His grip tight on the sheath, knuckles white, Kenshin threw it in frustration. He never  
wanted that sheath, or the blade that he had left in the woods, near him again. The rurouni leaned his head back  
against the chimney and closed his eyes as he remember what had happened to start this entire thing.....  
  
iThe day was young, the sun had only been up for a couple of hours and the market was full with the towns  
people of Tokyo. Kenshin walked down the street that was filled with people who were debating prices, meeting  
friends, shopping or perhaps just enjoying the sounds of life around them. He was part of the group that was  
shopping in the crowded market. His shopping list was repeating in his mind as he mumbled it allowed, being sure  
he wouldn't forget anything. A smile played on his lips as he watched the people who milled about the crowded  
street. A dark gray cloud here and there were the only signs of the storm to approaching fast, and no one really  
took them to be a threat. Kenshin's shopping was nearly done already, he just had to pick up a few more things and  
he would be able to go back to the dojo and prepare lunch for the master of the art, and the student. Kenshin was  
willing to bet that a certain man who wore the sign of evil on his back would come by tonight as well, seeing as he  
always did to enjoy a free meal.   
Kenshin paused when he heard someone running in his direction, they were calling out as well, yelling at the  
people around to move. Kenshin turned just as the footsteps halted behind him and he found the one who had ran  
looking for him was Yahiko. "Kenshin... I was... attacked... he took.... Busu...." Yahiko spoke in short gasps as he  
tried to catch his breath, although he wasn't given a chance to continue as Kenshin's eyes narrowed. "Who?" He  
demanded as he glared at no one in particular, his eyes flashing dangerously to amber and back to violet. Yahiko  
shuddered at the glare Kenshin wore and took note of his eye color. "A man named Aku, he said that he knew you  
from the Bakumatsu." Kenshin's eyes widened as the face of the man he had been assigned to kill, but had failed to  
do so flashed through his mind. He was the only man who the Battousai had been sent after and had actually lived.  
He cursed himself mentally for letting the man go free with only an injury to his left side. He should have just killed  
the man.... But at the time, he hadn't been able to. Aku had managed to do quite a bit of damage to Kenshin, it was  
a surpirse that he had lived through it. Kenshin's hand subconsciously levitated over the hilt of his sword, which  
hung at his side as it always had. "Go back to the dojo and stay there. I'll return later tonight." Kenshin had  
commanded of the boy. Yahiko's eyes widened as he heard the command, it was not the usual request from the shy  
rurouni, but an order from the Battousai that was hidden always within Himura Kenshin. Yahiko nodded quickly to  
acknowledge the order and then ran back to the dojo. Kenshin left, the groceries forgotten, for the forest where he  
could have finished Aku off so many years ago, and avoided this entire thing. Aku used to rape so many women, he  
had been a government official, but had little regards for the law before, during, and probably after, the entire  
conflict had begun. Kenshin had been told to kill this man because he had abducted, raped, and murdered an  
Inishin official's daughter..../i  
  
"Kaoru-dono.... What did he do to you....?" Kenshin whispered to no one but the sky as the image of her battered  
form ran through his mind once more. Anger followed by pain, followed by sorrow and finally followed by an  
overwhelming guilt flooded his body as he listened to nothing more than the rain falling rhythmically on the wet  
ground and roof. His thoughts he blocked out, wanting desperately to just forget this night had ever happened.  
Wanting something he knew could never be.   
  
  
  
Megumi sat back on her heels after she tied the last bandage, she looked down at the still unconscious girl and a  
soft, sad, smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. If it hadn't been for this girl, Kenshin would have just passed  
through Tokyo, he never would have stayed to save a young boy from lies. Never would have stayed to save a young  
man from memories, and never would have stayed long enough to save a doctor's daughter from herself. Sanosuke  
looked over at Megumi and asked in a hushed voice, "What are you smiling about? Do you see what I see or not?"  
His face was that of anger as he glared at the woman before him who dared to smile. She remained silent and her  
smile faded a bit as she got up and went across the room, towards the paper and wood door, she picked up her  
medical bag as she did so.   
"I'm going to go treat Ken-san." She spoke. Sanosuke shook his head in frustration. "Don't, he wouldn't let  
you earlier, and he probably won't let you now." Megumi glared at him, "Just tell me where he is." Sanosuke gave  
her his reply as he shook his head once more, "I don't know where he is." Megumi left the room and started to search  
for the man who needed treatment.  
Frustrated with this whole night, Sanosuke wished he had a person there he could take his anger out on. He  
wished he had answers to the many questions that his mind was asking. They were all on the tip of his tongue, but  
not one could be answered by anyone in the room. Only Kenshin could answer them, and though Sanosuke knew  
where the rurouni probably was, he thought it best to leave him be. He had lied to the doctor because he knew that  
Kenshin wouldn't let Megumi, or anyone, treat him. Kenshin needed time to himself. Sanosuke the left the room  
about twenty minutes after Megumi's last cries for Kenshin had died down and she finally left, he didn't hear  
Kaoru's words, and he should have been pleased that this key to the great secret of what had happened out in the  
night, this stormy night, would be kept a secret until later....  
  
iAku loomed over her, a cold smile plastered to his face as he looked down at the young girl who he had  
expertly tied up to a tree in this clearing. The sun was high in the sky and he could see every detail of the girl fully.  
Kaoru shuddered and fought down the urg to whimper, he wouldn't be given the satisfaction. She bit her bottom lip  
as her kimono was torn from her body savagely, and the bindings on her chest undone. She felt his hands on her  
body, pressing hard, bruising her skin. She kicked him as best as she could, not caring where, so long as it hurt  
him. Aku yelped in surprise and growled in anger as he pulled out a dagger. "Naughty, naughty..." He whispered  
as he sliced into her arm. "Now..." He mumbled as he continued on with the girl who's arm bled from a dagger,  
and lips bled from her own doing. The man had undressed and now stood over her once more. He chuckled as he  
kissed her lips hard, and tasted her blood. Kaoru then felt herself be positioned and thought tearfully to herself,  
'No... Please... Kenshin, hurry! Please don't!' She yelled out in pain as the man did what he wished with her./i  
  
The memory plagued Kaoru's dreams as she slept that night, she was sweating coldly, though she had a high fever.  
Her skin was very pale, even pale enough to rival the snow white bandages that covered her body. Kaoru screamed  
out as she recalled how painful it had all been, how rough he had been. "Kenshin... You're too late...." She mumbled  
to herself sleepily as she turned to her side and whimpered in pain.  
  
Kenshin was still perched outside on the roof of the dojo, his eyes were still closed. It was fast becoming  
morning and the rain had stopped only about a hour ago. He hadn't moved from his seat and still mentally yelled at  
himself for all of this. His eyes snapped open as he heard her scream, rising, Kenshin jumped down from the roof in  
a graceful motion, landing perfectly on his feet. He promtly ran to the room where Kaoru slept, and not bothering to  
knock, he opened the door and saw her, she had turned over onto her side and he heard her whimper in pain.  
"K-Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin whispered softly, trying to be sure if she was awake or not. Her body stiffened at his voice  
and a fresh pang of guilt, shame, and sorrow stabbed into Kenshin's heart. He heard the footsteps coming down the  
hall long before he saw the person. Yahiko came running down, his hair tasseled from the hours of sleep, and a look  
of panic on his face. Taking one long glance at Kaoru, Kenshin shook his head, water dripped from his bangs and  
clothes as he did so.  
"Kaor- Kenshin! Daijobou? How's Kaoru?" The young boy inquired as he reached the room. Kenshin looked from  
Yahiko to Kaoru three times before his eyes finally met with Yahiko's. "How I am does not matter, it does not.  
Kaoru-dono, though, I do not know..."   
"Arigatou, Kenshin." Yahiko said, smiling a lopsided smile to the violet eyed man before him. Kenshin's eyes  
widened as he heard these words and was about to tell Yahiko he did not deserve his thanks when Yahiko stopped  
him, "You saved Kaoru. Don't tell her, but I would really miss the Busu if she wasn't here anymore." Yahiko winked  
and Kenshin looked away as he felt the blood run down his hands again, even though it had been washed away by the  
rain long ago. "No, don't thank me Yahiko.... If you knew... God if you knew you would hate me...." Kenshin  
whispered as he turned and walked toward his room, images of his days as a hitokiri and the last twenty four hours  
running through his mind painfully.  
Kenshin could practically hear the blood drip off of his hands and into a puddle at his feet. The warm  
feeling of the liquid becoming as if it would burn him. He could see the trail that was left behind behind him.  
Perhaps.... Perhaps this would be what drove him mad.... His broken vow and the blood spilled onto a rurouni's  
hands...  
  
"Kenshin, your neck... You should ask Megumi to look at that." Yahiko called after the man he looked up to.  
Kenshin hardly heard the boy. He was too lost in his memories. He heard, and felt, every one of the deaths he caused.  
He heard their apologies to their families, their curses to the Battousai, he felt their pain in their hearts, in their body  
where the hitokiri's sword and slashed away at their tender flesh.   
Staggering, only a couple of steps into his room, Kenshin took two more steps, and finally collapsed once more  
as the pain of the memories overwhelmed him. "Sessha is so sorry, mina..." Darkness enveloped him....  
  
uiHi! My name's Ethne, please excuse and errors that are in the story itself. I've seen only a few eps, and  
read a couple of the manga, this is the first RK fic I have ever written, but is the third to be posted. It's obvious by  
how many mistakes I have in this fic that I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, the show/books, belong to many companies  
who I envy greatly. Well.... This isn't completed, yet, but I'll try to get it up soon! Ja Ne!  
Note: Do you think this chapter is too long? Should I break it up into smaller sections?  
  
Sessha- "This unworthy one" or- an incrediably humble was of saying 'I'  
  
Mina- Everyone  
  
Hitokiri- Assassin  
  
Battousai- Nickname given to Kenshin in the Bakumatsu  
  
Bakumatsu- The time between the end of the Edo Dynasty, and the start of the Meiji era/u/i  
  
Iie- No  
  
Daijobou- Are you all right?  
  
-dono- A suffix used on the end of someone's name to show great respect. Even in the Meiji era, using this term was  
outdated.  
  
-san- A suffix used at the end of someone's name as a sign of honor, though not as great as -sama (lord/lordess) or  
-dono  
  
Ken-san- Megumi's nickname for Kenshin, I think I heard that Megumi gave the name to Kenshin to show that  
Kenshin was different to her than he was to Kaoru, or something like that.  
  
Ja Ne- See Ya  
  
dojo- a school, usually a school of kendo or martial arts  
  
Sensei- Teacher  
  
Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu- Budo formed by Kaoru's father  
  
  
  
  



	2. Silence and Pain

  
Title: End of Innocence, Beginnings of Turmoil   
Chapter II "Silence and Pain"   
Author: Ethne (ImaginaryGirl6@aol.com)   
Date Started On: 6/8/02 (This was actually Finished 2 months later... Gomen ne.)   
Rating: R (For violence, death, and adult topics, if this bothers you, you don't have to read it. -.-)   
_________________________________________________________________________________________   
Loneliness can be so real it can feel like sand in the palm of your hand.   
-Maya Angelou   
_________________________________________________________________________________________   
  
  
  
  
Yahiko knew that the rurouni hadn't heard him, either that, or he was being ignored. Kenshin had turned around the bend in the hallway, obviously heading for his room, and so Kenshin was hidden from the young boy's view. Sighing deeply and muttering a few choice words under his breath, Yahiko turned to quickly glance in Kaoru's room. Seeing as she was still in a deep slumber, he left her. Whoever had hurt Kaoru like that was going to pay. Knowing Kenshin he had only knocked the man unconscious with a minor, perhaps major, injury. Yahiko left the dojo quickly and silently as he headed for a safe place where he could practice and prepare for the man's return without anyone seeing him.   
  
Kaoru groaned as she groggily sat up. Her body was stiff and sore, breathing hurt her too much and she considered holding her breath until she passed out. The sun was high in the sky, judging by the little amount of light that came into the room through the shoji, it was probably noon. Kaoru glanced about the room, unsure of how she got there. She found her thoughts wandering to the events of the night that had passed. Kenshin had probably left earlier this day to return to wandering. "Kenshin..." Her voice was hoarse, her throat burned. She had to find out if he was still here or not. Getting up unsteadily, the girl made her was toward Kenshin's room. Using the wall to support her, Kaoru slowly made her way down the hallway toward the rurouni's room. Every step of the way Kaoru wanted to cry out in pain. She couldn't blame Kenshin for any of her pain, accept part of what was in her heart, if she did, she would be just like everyone who had ever hunted him. The pain of knowing that she feared this man. It was as if she was two separate people in the same body. One of the Kaoru's in her feared him and hoped he had left her dojo, while the other Kaoru thought of him as a friend and hoped he **hadn't** left the dojo. Giving herself a mental shake, Kaoru found she had reached his door.   
"Kenshin?" She called in a voice so quiet only he would have heard as she knocked carefully. No reply was heard. Inhaling sharply, knowing that when she opened that door, she would probably find the room empty, Kaoru silently slid open the shoji to reveal the inside of the room.   
"Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled out in surprise as she saw the rurouni. He was laying in a heap on the floor, a pool of crimson surrounded his head and dyed his gi as well as his hair. His breathing was irregular, and yet he was unconscious all the same. Kaoru stared at him for a moment, her body unwilling to move. Finally, Kaoru regained use of her limbs and ran from the room. "Yahiko! Yahiko!" She repeated the name desperately as she ran toward his room, hoping he was in the dojo, hoping she wasn't alone here. If she was... What could she do?   
The silence that answered Kaoru each time she called out his name told her that she was, indeed, alone.   
"Yahi-" Kaoru was stopped in the middle of her calling by a hard body that stopped her in her tracks as well.   
"Jo-chan, what's wrong?" Sagara Sanosuke asked as he was run into by the nearly hysterical girl. "Sanosuke! Kenshin! Kenshin's...!" Sanosuke's eyes widened as he left Kaoru and headed for Kenshin's room. When he reached there, he quickly left the dojo in search of Megumi, leaving Kaoru in the hallway just outside of Yahiko's room.`   
  
_Drip.....   
What was that sound?   
Drip...   
Why was it there?   
Drip...   
It was getting louder, wasn't it?   
Drip....   
Red.... that's all he could see. A dark crimson that swirled around his body. The sound, that had to have been the liquid dripping from above. It landed on him, coating him in the thick red rain that continued to fall. What was this red rain?   
Drip....   
Blood.... that is what it was. It covered him and soon began to threaten to drown him. 'I deserve it...' Kenshin thought as he watched the blood swirl about him. 'This is the way I should die.... Drowned in blood.' It was ironic.... he would die from his own blood, just as many of his victims did. It had always been the easier technique to simply strike a target in his throat, the blood would seep into his lungs and the victim would die drowning in the liquid that had been his life force. And now, Kenshin was to die the same way. 'Why fight it? It is what I deserve.' Kenshin closed his eyes and breathed the liquid in deeply, resisting the urg to sputter. Just as his last breath was about to pass through his slightly parted lips, everything disappeared._   
  
  
"He should be all right now..." The concerned voice of Megumi carried gently into his head. "I knew I should have treated Ken-san first. Why he wouldn't let me I don't know!" Anger grew in the woman's voice, but her voice stayed at the same quiet volume as before. "Arigatou, Megumi-san." Kaoru whispered softly as she watched the lady doctor rise from her seated position next to the seemingly unconscious man on the floor. "Kaoru, don't thank me. Also, since Ken-san lost a lot of blood, don't ask him to, or let him, do anything accept sleep, eat, and drink. He needs to get his strength back." Megumi told the girl as she departed the room.   
  
"So you really think he'll be all right?" Sanosuke asked as soon as Megumi had closed the shoji that led into Kenshin's room. "I really don't know... He lost a lot of blood... And something about the way he was acting before, it wasn't right." Megumi said as she thought back to then. The man in front of her nodded as he spoke, "I know... Oh yeah, have you seen Yahiko?"   
Unfortunately, the reply he received was not the one he had wanted. "Iie, I'll look though. Well, call on me if you or Kaoru, or Ken-san need anything." With that, Megumi left the dojo, a worried expression on her face. Sanosuke looked at the door once more before leaving as well. He knew where Yahiko had probably gone...   
  
  
Kaoru sat in the room with Kenshin, she had to fight herself to not flee from the room. What if he woke up? What if he wasn't Kenshin but the Battousai? Kaoru shuddered at the thought. _'No... He's still Kenshin... He has to be.'_ Kaoru thought to herself as she watched over Kenshin. "Kenshin, how could you do that? I'm not worth your going to being a Hitokiri again..." Kaoru whispered to the man before her.   
"Kaoru..." Kenshin's voice was barely heard by the girl who was about to cry once more. She gasped as she looked at him, her blue eyes wide with unreadable emotions. "Kenshin?" She was hesitant to respond, afraid of what he may do or say.   
"Kaoru-dono, daijobu?" His voice a slight bit louder, but still just barely heard by Kaoru. Her eyes widened more so and nearly hugged Kenshin for using the honorific term on her name. He was still Kenshin....! Right? Looking into his eyes, she found a trace of amber remained. _'No, no, no... There can't be amber!'_ "Hai." Her voice was so quiet it could rival Kenshin's present volume for the quietest. Her throat felt like it was being closed off, her breath came in short gasps from the fear that he could still be the hitokiri, and as she realized where she was. She was alone with a man. And no one else was home. _'Iie, never again. Iie!'_ Kaoru screamed mentally as she got up from her sitting position and started to leave the room. She only reached as far as the shoji and was opening it when she heard him speak again.   
"Kaoru-dono, gomen ne..... gomen ne. Onegai, forgive sessha......" His voice was thick with many emotions, only a few Kaoru could recognize; regret, fear, self-hate, pain, and hope. Looking back at Kenshin with saddened eyes that held a trace of regret and fear, Kaoru forced a smile and left the room. Softly closing the rice paper and wood door behind her and stumbling to her room.   
  
In her room, Kaoru began to cry, she had wanted to tell him that she forgave him for it all, that she was just glad he was back.... But... Something wouldn't let her. _'You're afraid of him, silly girl. Your fear is what stopped you.'_ A voice in the corner of Kaoru's voice chided. She knew she must have hurt him with her meager response, but what else could she do? Lie to him and say all was well? No. A man had been murdered by the Battousai the previous night, a Rurouni's long standing vow had been broken, and a young girl had had to go through more than anyone her age should have. All was not well, everything that could have gone wrong, had. The man in a room that was in the same building as she was the cause of all of this. "Kenshin... Kenshin, why?"   
  
Sanosuke managed to find Yahiko, even with his horrible sense of directions. Although when he did, it was getting dark. The young boy was by a river that flowed through the forest which was a good mile outside of Tokyo. He stood up straight, in his hand was his shinai, he continued to fight an unseen person. Sanosuke was still a good distance from Yahiko, but could tell from his shaking that he was crying, either that, or he was shaking with anger.   
"Yahiko?" Sanosuke spoke cautiously as he approached the young samurai. The man was answered with silence. "Yahiko?" Still, there was no reply. Sanosuke then walked a few large steps over to the boy and grabbed the shinai from him. "Oi, Yahiko!" Sanosuke yelled at the boy. Yahiko finally acknowledge Sanosuke by turning to look at him. "Sano, do you think that man will come back?" Yahiko asked finally. Sanosuke's mind flashed back to when he was helping Megumi treat Kaoru....   
  
_Sanosuke hissed and Megumi inhaled sharply as she parted Kaoru's kimono. The bruises, that covered her chest, stomache, and arms were large and a dark black. Her chest was still unbound and Sanosuke avoided looking in that area unless he was helping Megumi with something. Deep scratches also covered her body, far more numerous than the bruises. As Megumi loosened the kimono more and finally removed it from the unconscious girl, Sanosuke's eyes narrowed dangerously. She had been roughtly handled, obviously mistreated, but to what extent?   
"Megumi, what do you think happened to her?" Sanosuke asked, taking in Kaoru's abused body.   
"You idiot, isn't it obvious?" Megumi had snorted as she asked for the hot water Sanosuke had brought in. Handing a wash cloth, which he had dipped into the basin of water, to Megumi, Sanosuke shook his head. "Well, I shouldn't tell you, then. She'll tell us all when either it all starts, or when she feels she should." Megumi continued to work on the numerous scratches, disinfecting them and then bandaging them.   
"Hmph. Do you think he'll come back, the man I mean." Megumi paused in her workings and turned her head so that she could meet eyes with Sanosuke, who was behind her. "In all honesty, I don't believe so. No one will probably have to worry about him again. What he did to this girl... Ken-san would never forgive this and let it go easily. Something tells me that Ken-san, Kaoru, and this man are all in the same boat. Odds are that we'll never see the Kaoru, or Ken-san that we know ever again, just like we'll never see that man again." Megumi's eyes darkened as she finished this statement, and her voice had faded as she spoke on. Sanosuke simply stared at the lady doctor and they continued patching up Kaoru in silence._   
  
Sanosuke looked Yahiko in the eyes and told him what Megumi had, in a sense at least, "Honestly? I don't think he'll be coming back to 'visit' us again. Odds are we'll never see him again." He left out the rest of what Megumi had said for two reasons, one being he was confused by her words, and two being that he didn't want to worry or confuse Yahiko. Sighing, Yahiko sat down in a rather ungraceful way. "I was scared earlier. Kenshin didn't seem like Kenshin when I ran to get his help. And I hadn't been able to protect Kaoru in his place. I'm tired of having to go ask everyone for help, and not be able to help on my own.... I started learning from Kaoru because I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be able to protect people who are just like I was. Why couldn't I stop him?" Yahiko confessed, his voice breaking slightly under the preasure of his tears. Sanosuke sat next to Yahiko on the grass and put an arm around the small boy's shoulders.   
"Oi, oi. It's okay to be scared. You do help everyone, anyway. You had saved Tsabume, and helped us a lot in a ton of fights. This may not be much of a comfort to you or anything, but you and I are a lot a like." Sanosuke smirked as Yahiko looked up at him questioningly, "Yeah, I know, not a nice thought for you, eh? When I was about the same age as you, I hadn't been able to protect Sagara-sama. He had saved me instead, and ever since then I wanted to be stronger. I did become stronger, and I started helping people in my own way. Then I met Kenshin and I was able to help the entire country, just like you do. I mean, if you hadn't helped us with Kanryuu, who knows what could have happened? You know that you had helped Kenshin out a lot, right? It was really brave of you to offer to step in, even if it meant your own death. Kenshin might not have gone on if you hadn't said those words. And where would we be today? In a Japan that was dieing because of that drug."   
Yahiko smirked himself as he spoke his sentence, "Thanks, but I think you just gave me nightmares that'll last the rest of my life. The thought of me being just like scares me." Sanosuke twitched. "I try to encourage you and crap and you insult me? Gaki!" Sanosuke then pounced playfully on Yahiko and the two engaged in a friendly fight, Yahiko chomping on Sanosuke's arm and Sanosuke kicking Yahiko away. Both were laughing as they did this and their laughter carried through the forest and the night....   
  
  
Kaoru hadn't left her room since she first entered it. Memories of everything she had been through and witnessed ran through her head. She remembered what Kenshin had said to her after he had saved her from Hiruma Gohei...   
  
_The nameless Rurouni turned to look at Kaoru, an appologetic expression is what he wore. "I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono. I didn't want to hide who I am... But... I didn't want to tell you if I didn't have to." Kaoru knew what he was going to do, tears glistened in her eyes and she watched him turn away from her, his expression just as it was before, appologetic.   
With a sad smile, he spoke again, "Good-bye, take care." Kaoru felt her voice catch as she tried to think of something to say to him. Only one word came to mind and she spoke without a thought, "Baka!" She could hear the Rurouni's surprised response of, "Oro!"   
"This is all your fault!" Kaoru said as she got up from the floor, holding her injured shoulder, "Do you expect me to rebuild Kasshin Ryuu by myself!? Why don't you stay and help me? I told you, I don't care who you used to be." She took a brave step toward him. The man smiled as he turned around and leaned his hand against the open door. "But, it may bring trouble for you if the real Battousai stayed."   
She took another step, angry at him, "I didn't say I wanted to Battousai to stay," Her eyes softened, "I said I wanted the Rur-" Kaoru covered her mouth before she could finish the thought, turning away from him she continues, "Fine, leave if you want to. But, before you go... Tell me your name. Not your legendary nickname."   
The man leans into the dojo a bit as he replies, "Himura... Himura Kenshin."   
"Kenshin?" Kaoru closes her eyes and raises her head up in defiance, "Go ahead! Just leave then!"The door closed and Kaoru let loose a defeated sigh. "I'm a little tired of wandering..." Kenshin's voice broke the silence in the room._   
  
She should have listened to Kenshin, he had told her he would probably bring trouble to her. Kaoru pounded her fist on the floor in anger. It was all his fault! Damn the Battousai and the Rurouni both! Why didn't she listen? _'Because you were in love with him.'_ So long as she was damning people, she may as well damn that voice in her head as well. It was true. The man she now loathed and on some level feared, she had also loved. _'God must be having a good laugh over all of this.'_ Kaoru thought miserably.   
  
  
He lay there on his back, replaying the scene with Kaoru in his head. He had begged for her forgiveness, and she hadn't said if she did or didn't. That look in her eyes, though, that told him it all. She was afraid of him. She regretted not being able to say that she forgave him. She blamed him for all of this. She was right to blame him, however. Kenshin bit back his tears. Kenshin turned over onto his side, feeling the pain in his neck as he did so. Pain... This too he deserved. Next to him sat the pain killers Megumi had left him. He couldn't take those, it wasn't right.   
The door to his room opened and Kenshin didn't bother to move from his position. "Ken-san?" Megumi, that was who his visitor was. He closed his eyes tightly and silently willed her away. Apperantly, Megumi did not hear his silent pleas for her to leave and continued to walk toward him. "Ken-san, I know you're awake." Her voice was quieter than usual, but still showed her usual force. "Megumi-dono, onegai, onegai leave." Kenshin begged of the lady doctor. Megumi glared at him. "Iie, Ken-san. I left you alone last time and you nearly died because of it. Now, look at me, I have to tell you something important."   
Not only did she recieve no reply, but Kenshin hadn't turned to look at her yet. Taking a few steps closer to him, Megumi kneeled on the edge of his futon. That was when she noticed the medicine sitting next to him. "It must hurt." She whispered as she gently reached up to touch his hand. She felt Kenshin flinch at her touch and his body tense. "Megumi-dono..." Kenshin started but was paused by Megumi's voice. "Kenshin... You should take that medication. Otherwise you're in for a world of hurt."   
"What does it matter? After yesterday, I should be in pain." Kenshin whispered the last sentence mostly to himself. Megumi's eyes widened and she tightened her grip on his hand painfully, he didn't seem to notice. "What happened yesterday? What happened to Kaoru, you, and that man?" Megumi asked bravely, praying half heartedly that she would get and answer from him.   
"Nothing, de gozaru. Nothing... Please, Megumi-dono, please leave." Kenshin once again spoke. "Fine then, Ken-san. Demo, I think you should go talk to Kaoru. She's not in a very goood condition right now." With that, Megumi left the room, anger radiating off of her. Kenshin's eyes closed tighter, painfully, as he thought of Megumi's words. _'Of course she's not in a good condition. What did you expect, Kenshin? You knew what had happened to her as soon as you saw her. She's being forced to grow up now, all because of you.'_ Kenshin thought as he gripped his blanket as if it was the only real thing he had left in the world.   
After several moments, Kenshin got up slowly, he dropped his blanket and walked over to a small desk in the room. Pulling out some paper, a brush, and ink, Kenshin began to write his note. His last one that he would write to these people ever again. He felt his eyes growing moist and blinked rapidly, refusing to let himself cry now....   
  
  
Morning came rather quickly for the occupants of the dojo. Yahiko had come back late, but neither of the adults in the building noticed. Sanosuke had decided that he might as well stay for the night. Now that the sun was hanging over the mountains, and everything was illuminated by it's harsh rays, everyone sat at the table with a meal before them. Kenshin had made the meal today, and Yahiko and Sanosuke were enjoying themselves as they ate. Kaoru picked at her plate with her chopsticks, taking small bites every once and a while. Kenshin didn't even bother to pretend to be intrested in his food, instead his eyes were clouded with thought at what he was going to do tonight.   
Kaoru finally stood up, catching everyone's attention. "Kaoru-dono, you didn't eat very much." Kenshin noted. Kaoru turned her eyes to his for a moment and Kenshin visibly cringed, her eyes showed that she was angry with him, and also feared him. Those two things Kenshin had hoped to never see in her eyes when she looked at him. She broke eye contact with him in seconds and turned her eyes back to her plate. "I'm not very hungry. I'll be in my room." She walked briskly to her room and Kenshin watched everyone of her little movements. He was right in doing what he planned. He would be helping Kaoru, and protecting Yahiko and Megumi as well as Sanosuke. With a silent sigh Kenshin ignored the two pairs of questioning eyes that were trained on him and gathered up his and Kaoru's dishes, going into the kitchen to put them on the counter.   
"Yahiko, could you please wash these for me?" Kenshin asked quietly. The boy nodded and took his own dish along with Sanosuke's and walked intot he kitchen, starting to work on his task immediantly. Kenshin met Sanosuke's eyes and a sad smile appeared on his face. Sanosuke's brown orbs widened.   
"Kenshin! You can't be--" He was silence by Kenshin's eyes and his departure of the room.   
As he entered his room, Kenshin picked up the bag he had prepared the night before. The bag held his few posessions, and looked one last time around the room. A grim expression on his face. _'When I left for Kyoto, I did this exact thing. Only, I had come back. If I.... If I hadn't come back none of this would have happened.... They would all be happier.... "Sessha wa Rurouni." I had told her this long ago, and now I need to return to being a Rurouni.'_ Kenshin thought as he left his room and walked into the dojo's courtyard, with silent steps he left the dojo....   
  
  
  
Silence fell heavily on the dojo for the rest of that day, hardly anyone spoke until Megumi came by that day to check on her patients. It had been in the light of the dying day that she had appeared at the gates.   
"Odd, at least someone should be out here...." Megumi thought aloud as she walked into the courtyard and looked about. "Ken-san would normally be collecting the laundry from the clothes lines right now... Yahiko and Kaoru would be trying to get in one last practice, and Sanosuke.... Well, that lazy jerk would be just coming over to try and weasle his way into the dining room." She mused as she walked through the courtyard and toward the steps that led into the home part of the dojo.   
Her steps seemed louder to her than ever before as she made her way slowly toward Kenshin's room. It was rather a scary thought to her. _'It's just because it's so quiet, Megumi. That's why everything seems louder...'_ She thought, _'It's like no one has ever lived here, it's so quiet...'_   
She breathed in deeply and prepared herself to see the broken rurouni she had seen yesterday. He would probably still be laying there, on his futon, in pain. Although, he could easily be rid of the pain by taking the medicine she had left him. _'He's too busy blaming it all on him and convincing himself he isn't worthy of anything accept pain, though.'_ Megumi growled at herself mentally as she slowly slid open the shoji.   
"Ken-san, I should re-bandage and re-treat your wounds today." Megumi said with a strong voice and closed eyes, expecting to hear his protests as she walked into his room, shutting the shoji a behind her. She opened her eyes when she had finished her sentence and looked about the room, no one was there. "Ken-san?" She asked, although she knew quite well that he wasn't in there _'He must be in the kitchen, or something... Yes, that must be it. Ooh, Kenshin are you ever going to ge--'_.   
Megumi's thoughts were interputted as she turned to leave by a thing she had failed to notice before. A white piece of paper stood out against the dark blanket he had used and folded neatly before he left his room. With a cry of shock Megumi slid to her knees. She had seen many notes just like this in her life. Some left by Kenshin, others left by shadows of her past. A couple even left by her. She knew exactly what that piece of paper would say. _'Well, at least this time he didn't leave without saying goodbye to all of us.'_ Megumi thought bitterly to herself as she simply stared at the note that had neat handwriting on the top that addressed it to everyone....   
  
----   
  
Hi! Me again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, once again, do you think it was too long? Should I break it up a little? Well, expect the next part soon! And um... Once again, if there are any errors in this story please ignore them, if you think that the entire story is and error, I'm really sorry. Ano... I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, many lucky people do, I am not one of them, sadly. Please Review, it's really welcome, even the flames. :-)   
  
Ano- Um   
  
Hai- Yes   
  
Onegai- Please   
  
Sessha- "This unworthy one" or- an incrediably humble was of saying 'I'   
  
Mina- Everyone   
  
Hitokiri- Assassin   
  
Battousai- Nickname given to Kenshin in the Bakumatsu   
  
Bakumatsu- The time between the end of the Edo Dynasty, and the start of the Meiji era   
  
Iie- No   
  
Daijobou- Are you all right?   
  
-dono- A suffix used on the end of someone's name to show great respect. Even in the Meiji era, using this term was outdated.   
  
-san- A suffix used at the end of someone's name as a sign of honor, though not as great as -sama (lord/lordess) or -dono   
  
Ken-san- Megumi's nickname for Kenshin, I think I heard that Megumi gave the name to Kenshin to show that Kenshin was different to her than he was to Kaoru, or something like that.   
  
Ja Ne- See Ya   
  
dojo- a school, usually a school of kendo or martial arts   
  
Sensei- Teacher   
  
Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu- Budo formed by Kaoru's father 


	3. How Could You?

  
Title: End of Innocence, Start of Turmoil   
Chapter III "How Could You?"   
Author: Ethne (ImaginaryGirl6@aol.com)   
Date: 7/4/02   
Rating: R (Suicide theme, adult topics, violence, language, ect. -.-)   
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________   
"Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live."   
-Conte Vittorio Alfieri   
_________________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Kaoru was awaken by a cry. Judging by the ammount of sunlight that was entering her room, it was horribly late in the day. She sat up swiftly whimpering slightly because of the pain that filled her body instantly. _Why didn't anyone wake me up?_ Kaoru questioned herself, knowing full well that no answer would come to her from her own mind. Sighing deeply, she got out of bed.   
  
Sanosuke heard a soft cry and wondered who had caused it. Was it Kaoru? Sanosuke, who had been practicing a bit on his own, stopped and headed into the dojo quickly.   
When he entered, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary. Still, he knew that the cry wasn't his imagination. He hurried to check the kitchen. It was empty. Next he went to check the bedrooms.   
The first door he passed was Kenshin's. Sanosuke heard what sounded like breathing and wondered if Kenshin was in there.   
"Kenshin?" Sanosuke called in a hushed voice as he pulled open the door. Kenshin was no where to be found in this room, but Megumi was.   
"Sanosuke.... He-he's gone.... How could he do that to us again...? How could he?" Megumi whispered to him, not moving her gaze off of the piece of paper that seemed to glow in the dying light. Megumi's cheeks were wet with her tears as she sat there on the ground, obviously shocked at the sight that lay before. Kenshin could die as he was right now, even monitered he ran a slight chance of death... Knowing him, however, he wouldn't care about his lack of blood and keep pushing himself on until he died of one thing or another. Megumi stifled a sob as she thought of her Ken-san, lying dead in a street or forest, never to be found.   
"How do you...?" Sanosuke began, he was silenced as Megumi pointed to the letter that still lay peacefully atop the folded bedding. Sanosuke's eyes widened a bit and he hurried to the note. "How _could_ he!" He growled as he snatched the paper up angrily and unfolded it, tearing a corner of it. He cursed to himself mentally as he read the note then looked over at Megumi.   
She still had a dead and distant look in her eyes as she watched Sanosuke read the letter hurriedly. His eyes softened when he turned them on Megumi and then asked her a simple, yet difficult question, "Would you like to know what it says?"   
Megumi glanced from the paper to Sanosuke quickly and slowly nodded her head, not sure if she was ready to hear Kenshin's last words to her.   
"All right, then...." Sanosuke cleared his throat and tried to let all the anger that had built up within him fade away rapidly. He had to be calm now, he couldn't yell or throw a fit like he was itching to. Megumi wanted to hear this, not his oppinion as well.   
"_'Everyone-   
I'm sorry about this sudden disappearance of mine. I guess I'm leaving again, just like I promised I wouldn't do that ever again. Thank you for your friendship, you shouldn't expect to see me again anytime soon. I'm--'"_ There was a series of scribbled out characters that followed this word and Sanosuke scowled deeply as he continued,   
_"'I'm not planning on returning. I know this is wrong of me to do this to you all now, especially Kaoru. I won't tell you where I'm headed, and please don't try to follow me. I... I have a few things I would like to tell all of you, even if you don't want to hear them....   
Yahiko-   
Keep training, one day you will surpass me. I hope that this day comes soon, and that you know what to do with your strengths.   
Sanosuke-   
I want to thank you for helping me so often. You've protected what I love, and you've helped me out of many tough situations. I hope you find happiness in your life, and will at least try to give the goverment a glimmer of a chance.   
Megumi-dono-   
I suppose all of your hard work was wasted on me, wasn't it? Even so, I'm greatful for all of the time you used on helping me. I hope you will continue of with helping others.   
Kaoru-dono-   
Thank you, for everything. I know I've told you this before, but... I was so happy when I was with you. You gave me a home even thought you knew who I was. You've protected me when you could. You've helped me atone, and you've given me strength. I only wish I could give you strength in this time. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. Please, forgive me for leaving.   
  
Everyone-   
I'll understand if you hate me for this, I've hated myself for many years. I know you probably won't understand why I've left you at this time... I-- I did something a few nights ago I should never have done. And because I hadn't done it before, someone had to suffer dearly. I hope you can forgive, if not, I understand why. Thank you for everything you've given me.   
-Kenshin' _   
"That's all he wrote." Sanosuke growled at the end of the letter.   
  
Megumi's eyes were wide with shock and surprise as she took in all that Sanosuke had read. What had happened?   
"Shimatta.... Shimatta..... Shimatta..... Shimatta.... Ken-san..... Shimatta!" She whispered angrily and brokenly as tears shook her body and spilled out of her dark eyes. Sanosuke quickly walked over to her and kneeled down. He hesitantly put his arms around the sobbing doctor and she leaned into him. "Sanosuke, how could he do this.... to us? To Kaoru...? How...?" She sobbed into his shirt. Sanosuke could not think of a reply and tightened his hold on Megumi. He would positively kill Kenshin if they ever saw each other again.   
  
  
Kaoru felt her hold on the wall slipping as she listened to the letter being read from just outside the door. She was feeling weaker than ever before. He had left. Kenshin.... had left. He wasn't going to be around anymore, cooking breakfast, smiling at her, doing laundry. He was gone. With a stiffled cry, Kaoru turned and ran toward the room which was her's. How could he leave her?   
  
  
  
Yahiko had returned from the Akabeko to find a deathly still and silent dojo. He had left because Sanosuke had threatened to beat him horribly if he didn't go help Tae. From the look he had had in his eyes at the moment, Sanosuke might just have done it to. So, Yahiko had left to go help out at the Akabeko. Tae, of course, had asked how Kaoru was feeling. Since she couldn't have known what had happened to the younger girl, Yahiko had avoided the question easily and hurried on with his chores.   
He had been tired as he approached the dojo, but the silence had strangely woken him up and caused him to be far more alert. He reached behind his head and grabbed his shinai from it's place on his back. Nothing seemed right in this quiet place. Usually Kenshin wold be outside doing the last of the laundry before the sun set. Kaoru wold either be attempting to poinsen everyone again with her cooking, or practicing. Sanosuke would be lounging arond there somewhere, waiting for the meal (or death) to be served. Megumi would be around sometimes, draping herself over Kenshin like a coat, or bickering with either Sanosuke or Kaoru, depending on who was closest.   
Walking around the outside of the dojo, Yahiko found nothing out of the ordinary, besides the silence. Next her cautiously ventured into the dojo and found that, it too, was safe. Becoming more concerned by the silence with each passing second, Yahiko crept into the housing part and found that Kenshin's door was opened widely. Narrowing his eyes, Yahiko continued on silently toward the open door. He raised his Shinai so that he was ready to strike. As he was near enough to see into the room, he nearly dropped the weapon he held.   
Inside the room was not a battlefield, or Kenshin, or anything related with him as there should have been. Instead, there was Megumi in Sanosuke's arms. She was crying horribly and Yahiko lowered his Shinai.   
"Ano... Megumi? Are you okay?" Yahiko spoke softly, cautiously, not sure if he should even be in there just then. Megumi didn't respond but Sanosuke did, "Yahiko, Kenshin's left."   
Two words in that simple statement should never have been together. 'Kenshin' and 'Left.' It wasn't possible! He had _promised_ that he wouldn't leave. Yahiko shut his eyes tightly as things began to blur. Kenshin was gone again. He had left. And again, he hadn't said goodbye to any of them. When Yahiko opened his eyes again, he noticed what he had failed to before. Kaoru wasn't there.   
"Sanosuke, where's Kaoru?" Yahiko asked, glancing about the room once more. She certainly wasn't there. Sanosuke's eyes widened as he realized the same fact. "I'll go check her room." Yahiko said quickly as he ran down the hall toward his teacher's room.   
"Kaoru!" Yahiko called out as he flung open her shoji only to find her curled into a ball on the floor, he body was obviously shaking with either tears, anger, distress, or fear. Perhaps all four. "You've heard, haven't you?" He asked as he stepped toward Kaoru. She didn't reply, only tightened her grip around her kneels and whimpered.   
"Go away.... please just go away." She whispered finally as Yahiko knelt down next to her and put his hand on her's. She flinched at his touch and Yahiko cringed inwardly at the state she was in. This seemed worse than when he had left the first time. That time, though, evreyone had known, deep down, that he would come back to them. Now... Well, maybe none of them would ever see the red-headed rurouni with a cross scar again.   
"Kaoru, if you give up again I'll never forgive you! You can't give up just because he's gone! Get up!" Yahiko nearly yelled at her.   
As she raised her head from her arms, Kaoru nearly hissed at the young boy, "I couldn't care less if you never forgave me. You don't understand what I went through. What I'm going through now. You couldn't possibly understand!"   
Yahiko glared down at the woman infront of him. He could never stand being told he couldn't do something, especially if that something was understanding.   
"I may be a child, but I understand a lot more that you think! So what if he left? Since he did it shouws that he really _wasn't_ worthy of you! You may not care if I never forgive you, but what about if Sanosuke never does? Or Megumi? Or Suzume? Or Ayume? What if even you never forgave yourself!" Now he was yelling. She didn't flinch at his words, nor did she stop glaring at the boy she had called a student.   
"Get out, just get out. You don't know what you're talking about. Just get out." She whispered these words harshly between clenched teeth and her glare turned to what seemed to be the fires of Hell themselves. Yahiko was unflinching in the face of such a venomous glare.   
"I could have sword you were stronger than that, Kaoru. I guess I was mislead. Fine, if you want to sit in here and cry until you can't, and just fade away. Feel free. I don't care." Yahiko hissed in an equally deadly way as he too, glared down at her with a look that could kill. He then turned and started to walk away from the woman he had once thought of as a mother, and a sister.   
  
Kaoru heard his words, but they weren't in Yahiko's voice. The voice was one she had sworn to forget. She had heard it last when she was only eleven, and her mother had died.   
  
_Kaoru lay in her room, her tears not stopping. It had been days since her mother had passed away, and yet she still couldn't seem to stop crying. She couldn't eat, and refused to sleep. She knew that if she kept up like this she would most likely die, but what did it matter?   
"Kaoru, come out here, now." The voice was commanding her this time. She called into the pillows, her broken voice muffled, "I refuse!"   
She heard the shoji slide open roughly and didn't bother to glance up.   
"I swear I had thought you were stronger than this, Kaoru! Maybe I placed to much credit on you. If you want mope and die in here, go ahead. I don't care anymore." The voice barked at her as the owner walked away.   
"Fine, father, maybe I'll do just that."_   
  
Kaoru turned her head to the side and stared at the door to her room. Yahiko was right. She was being pretty stupid again. But.... She couldn't go on.....   
Nearly an hour later, Kaoru slowly got up from the floor and walked over to the small desk that she had in her room. Carefully she opened the drawer and pulled out a chest that had an inscription on it. Inside the chest was something she had saved for protection only. It had once belonged to her mother, and was the cause of her death. Kaoru closed her eyes tightly at that last thought.   
Her hands knew where the latch was on their own, her eyes weren't needed as she opened the box and pulled out the item inside.   
A cool metal sheath is what her hands now felt. A shiver ran through her body at the coldness of the steel. She then opened her eyes and stared at the item she had rerieved after having it burried in her memory for so long. It had been so long ago that she had gone to ask her mother for bandages, she had been training that day and her fingers were blistered, but when she opened the door to her parent's room... Her mom was in there, of course, just not as Kaoru had ever hoped to see her.   
Blood had pooled around the face that, even in life, was deathly pale. Her black hair had spread around her if it was a dark halo, and her emerald eyes were now closed to the world for all eternity.   
Kaoru clenched the item, the knife, in her hand, refusing to let go of it no matter how much it all hurt. Kenshin was gone. He wasn't coming back.   
Her father was gone, he was dead for years.   
Her mother was gone, death by her own hand.   
Everything that Kaoru had ever cared about was gone, even Yahiko. There really was no point in continueing on if it only meant more pain for her. Inhaling deeply, Kaoru slid the metal sheath off of the small dagger and stared at her reflection in it's blade.   
She wouldn't die looking like the angel her mother had in life and death. Instead, she would simply be the rebelious kendo master who was scorned by all because of her lack of manners. Her death would mean little to anyone in town, perhaps inthe country. The person who she thought would always be there, even when the world shunned her, was now gone. So, that probably meant that he didn't care if she died or lived either.   
Kaoru pulled the knife away from her, at arm's length, and aimed it well and true. In a few minutes... In a few moments it would all be over. She would be with her family again. She pulled her hands, the dagger, back toward her chest in a swift motion, preparing for it all to simply end....   
  
  
---   
  
  
  
=) Cliff hangers, lovely things, they are. Anyway, thanks for reading this yet again! Sorry that this one is so short. (At least compared to the other chapters, it's short.) Um... I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.... I WANNA OWN RK! Or at least Saitou.... *Sighs and goes off to la la land as she thinks of Saitou* Ack! Sorry. Big fan of Saitou, though I'll probably never write a fic about him... Anyway, moving on. If you like it or hate it, as always leave a review! Please exuse any errors the story may have. Um... If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share them. =)   
  
Ano- Um   
Shinai- Bamboo sword   
-dono- term added to the end of a name to show great respect. Higher than -san, but not as high as -sama. Usually used in letters.   



	4. AN: Huge Apology!

  
Oh my God! I am _so_ sorry everyone! I had actually forgotten about this story... -.- I feel so guilty now... Um... I put two new chapters up as an appology and the next one should be up within... oh... 2 months at the latest. I'm really sorry! If you want an exuse: I had started highschool and had a lot of problems occur, I guess I just forgot about it because of my issues! Yeah. There is my excuse. I REALLY AM SORRY, THOUGH! God... I can't get over how I did that... Anyway, next chapter coming soon. Sorry for leaving you with a cliffhanger... -.- If I had the next chapter done I would upload it as well to make amends as best I could. Gah... Right. I'm off to go work on that, now!   
---Ethne 


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